xponia

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xponia

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1744
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About xponia : Electronic music producer from Seattle.

xponia's page activity

Visits<b>jello_tits</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 1:54am<b>omygoshtodayI</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 1:15am<b>potatochocolate</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 9:30pm<b>damiano1212</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 4:05pm<b>ashabieber11</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 11:32pm

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xponia's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

by polimeros / 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm / Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga) / Intimacy

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

by Mouhahaa / 05/08/2012 at 11:48pm / France / Love

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

by quirrus / 05/07/2012 at 5:42am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

by homealone / 05/03/2012 at 12:39am / Canada / Love

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2012 at 5:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

by screaming monkey / 04/04/2012 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, due to the powerful antibiotic I was taking for a bad infection on my knee, I had no control over my bowels and shat my pants while discussing a plumbing problem in a customers basement. FML

by beernuts / 03/06/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Health

Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML

by eldar90 / 02/25/2012 at 4:38pm / Israel / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 6:33pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

by involuntary waxing / 01/15/2012 at 4:00am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

by ohlordhelpmenow / 01/14/2012 at 10:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML

by RatFailure / 01/11/2012 at 12:23am / United States / Miscellaneous