About xponia : Electronic music producer from Seattle.
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Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10511) - you deserved it (22831)
On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42925) - you deserved it (11029)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32623) - you deserved it (1890)
On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13508) - you deserved it (21160)
On 01/24/2013 at 12:16am - misc - by steven - United States (California)
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (1733)
On 01/22/2013 at 6:14am - work - by Job Seeking (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63965) - you deserved it (15775)
On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34140) - you deserved it (16268)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44562) - you deserved it (7274)
On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)
Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9458) - you deserved it (19007)
On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15448) - you deserved it (1841)
On 12/02/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by :/ (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML
I agree, your life sucks (30155) - you deserved it (4300)
On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States
Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27856) - you deserved it (2704)
On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10119) - you deserved it (20353)
On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19835) - you deserved it (1209)
On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)
Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6694) - you deserved it (48892)
On 11/21/2012 at 9:03am - kids - by AHole (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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