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xoAbiox's favorite FMLs
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
by Jeff / 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm / United States / Love
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
by KaiyaOtaku1 / 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by NoSexForMe / 07/13/2014 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by morgan_rumm / 07/11/2014 at 4:02pm / Miscellaneous
by look how totally not racist I am! / 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2014 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by oh my fucking god / 07/10/2014 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/08/2014 at 9:20pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2014 at 1:26pm / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2014 at 10:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/22/2014 at 1:27am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML
by secret meat / 06/20/2014 at 10:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by forever alone / 06/19/2014 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 6:06pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward… Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him… Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to…
- Today, I found out that a very close friend of mine masturbates to photos of me on my Instagram and… Today, at 34 weeks pregnant I peed myself while brushing my teeth, not more than a minute earlier I… Today, after weeks of gathering the courage, I asked my boyfriend whether he takes a shower right…