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xoAbiox's favorite FMLs
Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML
by back to cock-hunting / 11/15/2014 at 2:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
by JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky / 11/13/2014 at 7:21pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
by jennabee97 / 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by katnl21 / 11/08/2014 at 12:37pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Health
Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2014 at 6:59pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2014 at 3:03am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Purple / 11/05/2014 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 11/04/2014 at 7:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by OfficeFatty / 10/29/2014 at 10:41pm / United States / Work
Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML
by iskiel / 10/26/2014 at 1:53am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML
by yee-whore / 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm / United States (Vermont) / Love
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
by burritobreasts / 10/15/2014 at 2:27am / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside…