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xoAbiox's favorite FMLs
Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2015 at 10:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML
by Lesbihonest / 06/17/2015 at 9:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, after 5 years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to 6 angry texts about how I'm 'selfish' for not staying at home with my family. FML
by happy21sttome / 06/15/2015 at 9:39am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 10:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 8:42am / United States (Maryland) / Money
by BrakesNotBumpers / 06/12/2015 at 5:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
by lolatmylovelife / 06/11/2015 at 4:51pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML
by Anonymous / 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 11:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 3:06am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML
by shmoooopie / 05/28/2015 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML
by Anonymous / 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by danceinconverse / 05/22/2015 at 4:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML
by PISSED OFF / 05/17/2015 at 9:09am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by that was mine / 05/15/2015 at 6:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money
- Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was… Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to… Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my…