About xlord : Rawr. That means hello in dinosaur :)
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Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9824) - you deserved it (48629)
On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26892) - you deserved it (6972)
On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22352) - you deserved it (2735)
On 01/05/2012 at 7:06am - animals - by Imgonnahaveabf - United States
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35563) - you deserved it (5428)
On 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27865) - you deserved it (4238)
On 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm - misc - by ericane27 - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12854) - you deserved it (38815)
On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)
Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9481) - you deserved it (19914)
On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24854) - you deserved it (1739)
On 12/19/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by stinkyhair (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7903) - you deserved it (51303)
On 12/18/2011 at 8:24pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)
Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24770) - you deserved it (1693)
On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by scammed - Canada (Quebec)
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27896) - you deserved it (4963)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17836) - you deserved it (2023)
On 12/15/2011 at 12:09am - misc - by rattlingfloorboards (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43045) - you deserved it (4103)
On 12/13/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by testesential - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8557) - you deserved it (66085)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9217) - you deserved it (31798)
On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -
Monday 20 May 2013
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