Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xlord

Search for a member

xlord
  • Town/Country : Behind you, when you sleep at night
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 6390
  • Number of comments : 475
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About xlord : I have travelled the world and spent millions of dollars to discover how to make the best rated FML comments. The secret is to create 173 accounts.

xlord's last visitors

Brandi_Faithcnparks1990rabbi1010thebeast74TheJasonLiDemonkingLeahLegendaryerinblackk

xlord's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of xlord's badges

xlord's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

#4336
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8780) - you deserved it (30512)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Huge A Hole - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

#3846
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19740) - you deserved it (1848)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:08pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I thought I was giving a woman the orgasm of a lifetime until I realized that she was telling me to stop pulling her hair. FML

#3826
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7696) - you deserved it (29673)

On 01/30/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Hubris - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

#2835
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20993) - you deserved it (2128)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:44pm - animals - by Anizzaf - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35408) - you deserved it (7260)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, at work I got a message from some dude trying to flirt with me. While I was cracking up and making fun of him with my friends, I get a message from him saying look directly behind you, and there he was staring at me. FML

#2721
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4820) - you deserved it (27086)

On 01/26/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by godhatesme - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

#2562
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11999) - you deserved it (3106)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38850) - you deserved it (2984)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51494) - you deserved it (6998)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

#583
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6988) - you deserved it (58398)

On 12/24/2008 at 3:40am - intimacy - by lip - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

#518
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6272) - you deserved it (46087)

On 12/15/2008 at 12:36am - misc - by bip - Sent from mobile version

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

#325
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20844) - you deserved it (20264)

On 11/18/2008 at 1:42am - animals - by AgathedeBlouse - Sent from mobile version



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: