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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7945
  • Number of comments : 494
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About xlord : I have travelled the world and spent millions of dollars to discover how to make the best rated FML comments. The secret is to create 173 accounts.

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xlord's favorite FMLs

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23873) - you deserved it (2448)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:44pm - animals - by Anizzaf - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39046) - you deserved it (7861)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, at work I got a message from some dude trying to flirt with me. While I was cracking up and making fun of him with my friends, I get a message from him saying look directly behind you, and there he was staring at me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (5448) - you deserved it (29433)

On 01/26/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by godhatesme - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML


I agree, your life sucks (17189) - you deserved it (4403)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42908) - you deserved it (3310)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (58934) - you deserved it (7802)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML


I agree, your life sucks (8268) - you deserved it (64205)

On 12/24/2008 at 3:40am - intimacy - by lip - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML


I agree, your life sucks (6825) - you deserved it (48515)

On 12/15/2008 at 12:36am - misc - by bip - Sent from mobile version

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22443) - you deserved it (21484)

On 11/18/2008 at 1:42am - animals - by AgathedeBlouse - Sent from mobile version

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  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

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