About xlord : Rawr. That means hello in dinosaur :)
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33521) - you deserved it (2675)
On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon
Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that black people aren't all lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18921) - you deserved it (1272)
On 04/19/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by MI3 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML
I agree, your life sucks (29886) - you deserved it (1912)
On 04/17/2012 at 2:11pm - love - by Jason199615 - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14180) - you deserved it (24766)
On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6794) - you deserved it (28777)
On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15454) - you deserved it (5659)
Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15020) - you deserved it (1705)
On 04/09/2012 at 11:50pm - animals - by Lee (woman) - United States
Today, my ex-husband officially became my step dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73956) - you deserved it (3028)
Today, I repeatedly screamed so loudly and with such emotion at a video game, that my neighbours thought I was in trouble and called the police. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5185) - you deserved it (17912)
On 04/03/2012 at 7:11am - misc - by thatscreamerguy (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13957) - you deserved it (3531) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/03/2012 at 12:41am - misc - by Kilimanjaro (woman) - France
Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24625) - you deserved it (1830)
On 03/30/2012 at 2:28pm - kids - by MDWilde (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18325) - you deserved it (4638)
On 03/25/2012 at 12:06pm - love - by Mark Allan (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5358) - you deserved it (15727)
On 03/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Avery - United States (California)
Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18688) - you deserved it (1799)
On 03/24/2012 at 9:20am - kids - by thammer - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I locked myself out of the house. After hours of ringing the doorbell and calling my roommate, I decided to break the window. When I finally got in, my roommate was waiting with a can of pepper spray. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20170) - you deserved it (1922)
On 03/18/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by jamboooy (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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