Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xlord

Offline (16 hours ago) | Search for a member

xlord

3Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8947
  • Number of comments : 514
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About xlord : I have travelled the world and spent millions of dollars to discover how to make the best rated FML comments. The secret is to create 173 accounts.

....feel free to message me I don't (mostly) bite.

xlord's page activity

Visits<b>BigSeedDeed99</b> - yesterday at 11:48am<b>Marcella1016</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 12:57am<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 12:17am<b>WildJubeJube</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 3:39pm<b>Jreslier</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 9:34am<b>jacky75</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 8:08am<b>coltonte3</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 6:40pm<b>pptm</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 4:03am<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 10:25pm<b>bettyboop428</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 8:15pm<b>davidisbeast</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 10:11am<b>Flowtastic</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 11:39pm<b>SalsaVerdeDonut</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 11:36pm<b>Anamynous</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 8:52pm<b>KJxFTW</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 3:13pm<b>dragonrider1959</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:35am<b>swasher</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 2:33am<b>grammar_nazi125</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:55pm

Liked!<b>imateapot_723</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 12:18am<b>pptm</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 2:11pm<b>kayzers</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 12:20pm

xlord's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of xlord's badges

xlord's favorite FMLs

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100643) - you deserved it (6381)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100643) - you deserved it (6381)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

#2549491
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48966) - you deserved it (2257)

On 06/02/2009 at 9:33pm - money - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22728) - you deserved it (75493)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20970) - you deserved it (219811)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

#2252019
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11291) - you deserved it (53249)

On 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Tyler_Padgett (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40579) - you deserved it (140757)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

#2150029
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69234) - you deserved it (6176)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by theman (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

#2140497
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48313) - you deserved it (3117)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by pa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31980) - you deserved it (141561)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60925) - you deserved it (5608)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60925) - you deserved it (5608)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

#1958510
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16166) - you deserved it (56041)

On 05/15/2009 at 7:07am - intimacy - by dwek (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24111) - you deserved it (42915)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: