About xlord : Rawr. That means hello in dinosaur :)
Why am I up so early?
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Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me give her a foot massage after she had a long day at work. Halfway thorough, she fell asleep. Wanting to see how ticklish she actually was, I started to tickle her feet. She then kicked me straight in the nuts whilst sleeping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7981) - you deserved it (43143)
On 05/30/2011 at 3:15pm - love - by anon80214 (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15132) - you deserved it (56402)
On 05/17/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by markymark - United States
Today, I saw a car swerving in front of me on the freeway, so I whipped out my cell to report the DUI. As soon as it started ringing, I see police lights in my rear view and got slapped with a ticket for using a cell phone while driving. After explaining why, the officer said, "Nice try." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20077) - you deserved it (19126)
On 05/03/2011 at 1:22am - misc - by AE86Turbo (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42148) - you deserved it (7298)
On 04/25/2011 at 9:49am - love - by Jade (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26972) - you deserved it (7540)
On 04/24/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24996) - you deserved it (9186)
On 04/21/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by alopez1994 -
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35325) - you deserved it (718)
On 04/20/2011 at 3:27am - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26919) - you deserved it (5951)
On 04/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40532) - you deserved it (4624)
On 04/19/2011 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41954) - you deserved it (3561)
On 04/10/2011 at 12:42am - love - by torny>horny - United States
Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML
I agree, your life sucks (16137) - you deserved it (41068)
On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12613) - you deserved it (34371)
On 04/02/2011 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by lovely321 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7522) - you deserved it (52444)
On 03/31/2011 at 10:23pm - misc - by owies :( - United States (Florida)
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47509) - you deserved it (21372)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6996) - you deserved it (46784)
On 03/25/2011 at 7:05pm - misc - by freshman - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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