About xDMACx12 : I'm gonna give you to the count of three to get off of my page before you get to say hi to my tommygun. 1...........2........... *macinegun fire and hysterical laughter* 3!
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xDMACx12's favorite FMLs
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
by ronboy / 11/26/2012 at 6:11pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
by brooke / 08/13/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML
by yeastly / 07/09/2012 at 3:54pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by MonCoiffeurAdoré / 06/27/2012 at 10:43pm / Miscellaneous
Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML
by bummed / 04/15/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health
Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML
by adieuvelib / 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 9:00am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
by TheKunitzShow14 / 08/10/2011 at 3:22am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
by galen / 06/03/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
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