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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1729
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About wtfjess : Hello there, I'm Jessica.

I'm from Canada
I live in an igloo
I have a pet polar bear named Steven
I am a Dragon
I enjoy playing video games on my ps3, when I'm not busy ransacking villages and kidnapping princesses.
Currently playing the Mass Effect trilogy. Dragons in spaaaaace! Conqueri- *cough* SAVING the galaxy.
Oh, and on that note..
Garrus is mine Garrus is mine Garrus is mine.
You can't have him.

Stop staring at my gold peasant. Shoo shoo! Out of my lair!

wtfjess's page activity

Visits<b>BenjiX</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:42am<b>cohenb93</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 2:50am<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 10:45pm<b>TinyAsianMan</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 2:41am<b>AttackofTheCammy</b> - the 10/16/2013 at 7:34am<b>cskipgolfer2013</b> - the 10/04/2013 at 9:50am<b>crackmore278</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 2:55am<b>MikaykayUnicorn</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 6:55pm<b>Conn3ct</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 5:30am<b>DAKILA</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 2:01am<b>f36k</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 1:52am<b>InfernoVivo</b> - the 09/04/2013 at 2:06am<b>ruthi666</b> - the 09/03/2013 at 7:18am<b>Seany_93</b> - the 09/01/2013 at 9:29pm<b>pnutbutternjelly</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 2:10am<b>SolarFlare</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 5:22am<b>Claytonioo</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 1:33am<b>chargers2588</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 11:19am

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wtfjess's favorite FMLs

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

by no new apartment for me / 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

by no boobies / 05/29/2013 at 12:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

by Gangnam / 11/16/2012 at 10:52am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

by afraidofcans / 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

by minibuch1505 / 09/21/2012 at 7:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

by Geckosrock99 / 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

by Neurocardiogenic Syncope / 08/24/2012 at 12:08am / Canada / Health

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous