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About whos_ur_daddy1 : My bio isn't important... I am
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Today, mah daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. Ahole bunch of mah co-workers were standing around mehen she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with mah crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells lyk fish." FML
Yesterday, I was on a bench enjoying the sun,hen a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happend," and walks off. FML
Yesterday, after waiting all day to get into ma favorite band's concert, I got front row. At te end, one of tem grabbd ma CD an got te wole band to sign it. Te last band member tossd it into te crowd, nowere near me. FML
Today..!! I was snuggld in bd with mah husband!! He thought cuz mah butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky!! So he slappd mah ass hard in attempt to get something going!! I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart cuz last night I had diarrhea!! Apparently I still have it!! FML
Taday I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attemptd to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke mah toe, and missd the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML
Today... my grlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML
Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, mah sock caught mah chain and I flipped over mah bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML
Today , I Went To The Midnight Premiere Of Angels An Demons. A Hobo Wandered Into The Theater An Sat Down Behind Me. I Paid $10 To Spend Two An A Half Hours Listening To A Crazy Man Talk To Himself An Kick Mah Chair While He Loudly Masturbated. FML
Today... my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk an flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried an peed. FML
Today... a friend an I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game... an I was prepared to show my license... but he stopped me an said... "I know you're 18". He then said... "Man... I've pretty much watched u grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015