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warwagon

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warwagon's favorite FMLs

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11893) - you deserved it (35056)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, because our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managed to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shocked and highly confused. FML

#20051386
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16587) - you deserved it (1662)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:40pm - misc - by what.....? (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML

#20050023
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24435) - you deserved it (4874)

On 08/30/2012 at 9:08pm - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

#20049093
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27686) - you deserved it (2147)

On 08/30/2012 at 4:04am - misc - by freaked out - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

#20045566
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29720) - you deserved it (5705)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

#20042043
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29051) - you deserved it (1989)

On 08/26/2012 at 1:03am - love - by wtf - New Zealand (Southland)

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

#20037909
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35679) - you deserved it (10404) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

#20034900
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34834) - you deserved it (8846)

On 08/22/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by ihateveganism (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

#20030776
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17273) - you deserved it (8419)

On 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm - animals - by speshlk37 (man) - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

#20029320
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23920) - you deserved it (3745)

On 08/19/2012 at 1:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

#20026086
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24258) - you deserved it (1595)

On 08/17/2012 at 7:26am - animals - by byegeorge (woman) - United Kingdom (Hounslow)

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23836) - you deserved it (2636)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

#20023605
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21541) - you deserved it (1502)

On 08/16/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by scarredforlife - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

#20022504
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16368) - you deserved it (34046)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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