About vendretta : Echelon.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24590) - you deserved it (48781)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (67380) - you deserved it (17980)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56697) - you deserved it (11130)
On 04/09/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was working out out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16704) - you deserved it (55086)
On 03/30/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Mark (man) - United States
Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23137) - you deserved it (62592)
On 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137459) - you deserved it (24589)
On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83946) - you deserved it (5498)
On 03/22/2009 at 5:05am - intimacy - by trina (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42593) - you deserved it (485422)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33522) - you deserved it (146785)
On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65067) - you deserved it (22180)
On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6026) - you deserved it (64980)
On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)
Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40897) - you deserved it (8558)
On 03/05/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by dizzlewizzle - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (185009) - you deserved it (21608)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71420) - you deserved it (16798)
On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36963) - you deserved it (7311)
On 02/17/2009 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by KS (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
