About vendretta : Echelon.
vendretta's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
vendretta's favorite FMLs
Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML
by nwalsh2009 / 12/17/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation
by mainlaw / 12/04/2009 at 12:33pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Love
Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML
by Stressmess / 11/30/2009 at 7:19pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 11:26pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML
by TheGirl / 11/23/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (New York) / Love
by nycplywood / 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML
by Teaching / 11/12/2009 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML
by catwoman / 10/31/2009 at 12:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2009 at 11:36am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by skyhawk13 / 10/30/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
by Anonymous / 10/29/2009 at 1:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by roadbikemama / 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by scarred / 10/22/2009 at 8:30am / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML
by PukinFireman / 10/17/2009 at 4:20am / United States / Work
Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML
by Ndanick1193 / 10/16/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…