About vendretta : Echelon.
vendretta's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
vendretta's favorite FMLs
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I was skiing in Vermont for the third day straight. Since I was getting very little sleep, on the top of the chairlift I let out a huge yawn, pulling a muscle in my face. As I slid down the ramp, everyone saw me thrashing my head around and making funny, painful faces as I fell down. FML
by Floof / 02/15/2010 at 8:35am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Holidays
by freakingow / 02/14/2010 at 1:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by dzisfml / 02/14/2010 at 3:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
by tammyg / 02/11/2010 at 1:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML
by KiwiBlam / 02/07/2010 at 4:19am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by meow / 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML
by pass_the_tp / 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML
by James4929 / 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
by Soresack / 01/04/2010 at 8:34am / United States (Arizona) / Health
by Vicky / 12/26/2009 at 3:47pm / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Love
Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML
by Klamp18 / 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 3:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…