About vendretta : Echelon.
vendretta's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
vendretta's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by me / 01/13/2011 at 3:48pm / United States / Kids
by ciotter / 01/08/2011 at 3:57am / United States (California) / Animals
by boreed / 12/27/2010 at 12:37am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2010 at 2:29am / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 6:46am / Sweden (Varmlands Lan) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/28/2010 at 7:37am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 11:58am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 3:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML
by pizzacat / 09/22/2010 at 4:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by fmldailyyy / 09/18/2010 at 7:13pm / Ireland (Limerick) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 2:31am / United States (California) / Health
Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML
by Anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 2:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 8:10pm / United States (California) / Transportation
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat… Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The… Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle…