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vendretta

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vendretta

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 February 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2543
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About vendretta : Echelon.

vendretta's page activity

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vendretta's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of vendretta's badges

vendretta's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30061) - you deserved it (3867)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

#17643019
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35399) - you deserved it (4094)

On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

#17627685
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17506) - you deserved it (57725)

On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

#17557500
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (55258)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

#17526290
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37026) - you deserved it (4841)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36786) - you deserved it (3130)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20064) - you deserved it (35200)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

#17447833
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46878) - you deserved it (6836)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by squishylog - United States (California)

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

#17334283
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13273) - you deserved it (69624)

On 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

#17312573
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30418) - you deserved it (4770)

On 07/30/2011 at 7:58pm - animals - by Backinzi - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

#17107547
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52852) - you deserved it (15436)

On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
442 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79170) - you deserved it (8253)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

#16541898
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50066) - you deserved it (12630)

On 06/07/2011 at 2:51am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

#16277810
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63739) - you deserved it (11069)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)



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