vendretta

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vendretta

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 February 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2707
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About vendretta : Echelon.

vendretta's page activity

Visits<b>onlytimewilltell</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 2:03pm<b>rwal0912</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 9:29am<b>thomas5915</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 9:59pm<b>Sam_Dchi</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 10:58am<b>Addiction333</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 1:26pm<b>celebi82</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 5:59pm<b>superuser1234</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 10:17pm<b>GodPart2</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 6:53pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 10:21am<b>Radgears47</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 3:25am<b>anormalperson</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 2:43am<b>MrHomedog8</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 9:30pm<b>kobelstone23</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 4:11pm<b>TXFernwoods</b> - the 10/19/2013 at 12:42pm<b>rick1</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 2:56am<b>Eivana</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 11:49pm<b>war3095</b> - the 04/27/2013 at 10:12pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 9:18pm

vendretta's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of vendretta's badges

vendretta's favorite FMLs

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

by Agax / 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

by animal lover... / 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm / Animals

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

by someone / 09/17/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

by ugh Buck! / 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Animals

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 9:29am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Kids

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

by offuckingcourse / 08/06/2013 at 1:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

by myfavoritesgouda / 06/24/2013 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

by jhughes1997 / 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML

by fuckedbyahipster / 06/15/2013 at 12:13pm / Finland / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous