Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

vendretta

Offline (the 07/17/2014 at 1:59am) | Search for a member

vendretta

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 February 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1810
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About vendretta : Echelon.

vendretta's page activity

Visits<b>anormalperson</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 2:43am<b>MrHomedog8</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 9:30pm<b>kobelstone23</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 4:11pm<b>TXFernwoods</b> - the 10/19/2013 at 12:42pm<b>rick1</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 2:56am<b>Eivana</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 11:49pm<b>war3095</b> - the 04/27/2013 at 10:12pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 9:18pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:51pm<b>Evii</b> - the 05/09/2011 at 9:25pm<b>jedi012</b> - the 08/27/2010 at 11:54am<b>grantbennett</b> - the 08/14/2010 at 6:03pm<b>suffokate</b> - the 08/14/2010 at 5:35pm<b>Imnewhere</b> - the 04/06/2010 at 5:25am<b>AHX</b> - the 12/22/2009 at 2:12pm<b>lisafannypack</b> - the 12/14/2009 at 8:23pm<b>SheriffBart</b> - the 10/28/2009 at 2:29am

vendretta's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of vendretta's badges

vendretta's favorite FMLs

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

#20709788
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50725) - you deserved it (3465)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61628) - you deserved it (4978)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

#20631493
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42449) - you deserved it (3234)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by SierraCheyenne (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

#20518354
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30247) - you deserved it (2969)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

#20507681
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39744) - you deserved it (3883)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:07am - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

#20505985
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12403) - you deserved it (52712)

On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26313) - you deserved it (2953)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34586) - you deserved it (3392)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17334) - you deserved it (29697)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

#19526031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21735) - you deserved it (2679)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML

#19469757
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24133) - you deserved it (5743)

On 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm - misc - by ilovechickens - United States

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13060) - you deserved it (54027) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

#19448000
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17653) - you deserved it (2652)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:04am - health - by kissrocks4 - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

#19261628
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30829) - you deserved it (4085)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

#19152486
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25487) - you deserved it (5088)

On 02/24/2012 at 7:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: