About vendretta : Echelon.
vendretta's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
vendretta's favorite FMLs
Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML
by photoman / 07/14/2014 at 5:31am / Austria (Wien) / Geek
Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2014 at 3:57pm / Australia / Health
by blackchin III / 06/20/2014 at 5:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Health
by anon / 06/20/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by wendtinmypants / 05/31/2014 at 11:05am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
by notbrowsingnow / 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm / United States / Work
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals
by Anonymous / 04/17/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML
by the long distance guy / 04/08/2014 at 3:56am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by lovehurts / 10/14/2013 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
- Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he… Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during… Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm…
- Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck… Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her… Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to…