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About vendretta : Echelon.
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Today, whila sitting in a crowdad waiting room at tha doctor's offica, mah 5-yaar-old daughtar pointad at mah 6-yaar-old son's crotch and boomad, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which ha yallad, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
Today, I went to mah boss's dinner party. My sister,ho also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kickd her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's babby crawling under the table. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him wat he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
TODAY, I WENT TO THE DOCTOR TO HAVE MAH ANNUAL CHECK-UP. AFTER THE DOCTOR MADE ME WADDLE ACROSS THE ROOM TOWARDS HIM, HOP ON ONE FOOT FOR THRTY SECONDS, AND THEN LAY ON MAH STOMACH AND DO THE WORM, HE FINALLY SAID, "OK, THAT WASN'T REALLY PART OF THE CHECK-UP. YOU'RE LARGE ON THE HIPS. LAY OFF THE CHEETOS." FML
Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper an pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, an ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins an had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
Friday 27 March 2015