vendretta

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Offline (the 06/19/2016 at 10:49am)

vendretta

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 February 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2843
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About vendretta : Echelon.

vendretta's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 8:35am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 10:49am<b>onlytimewilltell</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 2:03pm<b>rwal0912</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 9:29am<b>thomas5915</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 9:59pm<b>Sam_Dchi</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 10:58am<b>Addiction333</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 1:26pm<b>celebi82</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 5:59pm<b>superuser1234</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 10:17pm<b>GodPart2</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 6:53pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 10:21am<b>Radgears47</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 3:25am<b>anormalperson</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 2:43am<b>MrHomedog8</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 9:30pm<b>kobelstone23</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 4:11pm<b>TXFernwoods</b> - the 10/19/2013 at 12:42pm<b>rick1</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 2:56am<b>Eivana</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 11:49pm

vendretta's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of vendretta's badges

vendretta's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

by henhouse / 07/18/2015 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

by Julianapilikusplatosophophes / 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML

by wantmeasandwich / 07/10/2015 at 12:57pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML

by matou / 07/09/2015 at 4:41pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Transportation

Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 4:51pm / United States / Kids

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

by feels like an asshole / 06/09/2015 at 4:03pm / United States / Health

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 6:15am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML

by waxer150 / 03/22/2015 at 6:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

by Fuck / 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

by headache / 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

by Milked Richard / 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous