About vendretta : Echelon.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (2657)
On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12554) - you deserved it (38895)
On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14711) - you deserved it (36637)
On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27048) - you deserved it (3321)
On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22327) - you deserved it (4271)
On 08/19/2011 at 9:40am - intimacy - by nerofirst - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27197) - you deserved it (2045)
On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14449) - you deserved it (22939)
On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)
Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36871) - you deserved it (5664)
On 08/12/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by squishylog - United States (California)
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9514) - you deserved it (49783)
On 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21935) - you deserved it (3275)
On 07/30/2011 at 7:58pm - animals - by Backinzi - United States (Iowa)
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41129) - you deserved it (10418)
On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62955) - you deserved it (5691)
On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39363) - you deserved it (9031)
On 06/07/2011 at 2:51am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51245) - you deserved it (7802)
On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)
Today, we got a speeding ticket in the mail with my drunk daughter's picture on it. She was waving at the camera. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20871) - you deserved it (3816)
On 01/15/2011 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Monday 20 May 2013
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