About vendretta : Echelon.
vendretta's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
vendretta's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by LadyLou / 11/03/2015 at 6:42am / Australia / Work
by MedChew / 10/30/2015 at 1:01pm / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Health
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by Enanimus / 09/25/2015 at 2:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 3:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 10:06am / United States / Intimacy
by Marika / 07/20/2015 at 1:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 12:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by ddhaley1 / 07/18/2015 at 3:08pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
- Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make… Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly… Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me…