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About vendretta : Echelon.
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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23245) - you deserved it (2466)
On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11233) - you deserved it (35352)
On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13488) - you deserved it (34249)
On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20110) - you deserved it (3896)
On 08/19/2011 at 9:40am - intimacy - by nerofirst - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8786) - you deserved it (46522)
On 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38194) - you deserved it (9761)
On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22426) - you deserved it (2242)
On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37373) - you deserved it (8628)
On 06/07/2011 at 2:51am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48976) - you deserved it (7525)
On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34951) - you deserved it (10173)
On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4858) - you deserved it (23791)
On 10/05/2010 at 6:46am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)
Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23173) - you deserved it (1760)
On 09/28/2010 at 7:37am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)
Today, I am a 22 year old male with a 11:00 pm curfew. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23563) - you deserved it (10006)
On 09/27/2010 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16884) - you deserved it (5089)
On 09/24/2010 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6603) - you deserved it (17641)
On 09/24/2010 at 3:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
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