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50 favourites
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Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40615) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54401) - you deserved it (7603)
On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26015) - you deserved it (1967)
On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38167) - you deserved it (11655)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34330) - you deserved it (3685)
On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31837) - you deserved it (4580)
On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26883) - you deserved it (5219)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35154) - you deserved it (11257)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14191) - you deserved it (49563)
On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26438) - you deserved it (6416) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/08/2013 at 9:13am - animals - by orely44 - France (Pays de la Loire)
Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30173) - you deserved it (1245)
On 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm - kids - by Maxie - United States (Ohio)
Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37829) - you deserved it (3030)
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20115) - you deserved it (6444)
On 02/26/2013 at 1:09pm - animals - by Puppylove (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28259) - you deserved it (3116)
On 02/17/2013 at 3:02am - kids - by Lesser (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28156) - you deserved it (6232)
On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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