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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 5 November 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2329
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About vanessuhm : Hey, I'm Vanessa, currently a Senior in high school.

vanessuhm's page activity

Visits<b>DrowningLessons</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 7:25pm<b>aymang2</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 8:07am<b>cdude1023</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 1:41pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 6:31pm<b>Mons</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 6:20am<b>ohWHALESaye</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 1:58am<b>michaelaranda</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 11:00pm<b>sxcthaigirl</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 9:44am<b>jackjackattack3</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 12:22am<b>LaPaisa</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 4:48am<b>maxymum7</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 10:20am<b>DerekCorbett</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 3:27pm<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 3:17pm<b>LolMoqz</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 9:19am<b>teddygrams16</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 8:09pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 9:48pm<b>Just_Ya</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 5:33pm<b>Markymark1202</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 10:43pm

Fucked!<b>DrowningLessons</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 1:25am

vanessuhm's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of vanessuhm's badges

vanessuhm's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

by LeChameauTrisomique / 03/14/2014 at 12:33am / France (Centre) / Work

Today, it seems to have got to the point where I take fleas off my cat so often that I now have dreams about finding the biggest and most perfect flea. FML

by FMLkoala / 03/03/2014 at 2:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm / Russian Federation (Moskva) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

by Author / 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

by freed / 01/29/2014 at 12:13am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

by Kaddiscott / 01/20/2014 at 5:12am / Italy (Trentino-Alto Adige) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

by ReallyMom / 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

by smokecloud_ / 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

by ConfusedDad / 12/29/2013 at 2:01am / United States / Kids

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

by eastsiderounder / 12/02/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML

by Jack / 11/30/2013 at 3:31am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

by French / 10/24/2013 at 8:52am / Australia (Victoria) / Love