Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

uzee

Search for a member

uzee
  • Town/Country : Plovdiv, Bulgaria
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 12 March 1992 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 3848
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About uzee : Life is a moment. It's our job to make it seem like it lasts forever

uzee's last visitors

Cherrytaakosualegendofizzyalexmac222veebitertabrowne898Global_UserFMLprincess023

uzee's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of uzee's badges

uzee's favorite FMLs

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

#20698818
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74016) - you deserved it (4123)

On 06/01/2013 at 3:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

#20696604
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49827) - you deserved it (3975)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

#20694810
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42763) - you deserved it (2288)

On 05/30/2013 at 4:51am - money - by BrokeAsHell (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

#20694473
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50184) - you deserved it (8556)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

#20694089
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42925) - you deserved it (8658)

On 05/29/2013 at 9:53pm - misc - by paulinapo - United States (New York)

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

#20684142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59650) - you deserved it (3964)

On 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

#20683515
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51646) - you deserved it (15671)

On 05/24/2013 at 10:00am - love - by datgirl92 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML

#20682342
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35317) - you deserved it (4687)

On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

#20682049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41894) - you deserved it (3785)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by eric4 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52039) - you deserved it (4046)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I confronted my boss to find out why I was denied a promotion that she promised to me. Her response? "You should know by now I'm a liar. Not my fault if you believe the things I say." FML

#20680205
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34345) - you deserved it (3148)

On 05/22/2013 at 5:48pm - work - by Snurkles McGee (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

#20679725
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52736) - you deserved it (4446)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

#20679441
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41632) - you deserved it (2724)

On 05/22/2013 at 8:28am - misc - by projectfain - United States (Ohio)

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

#20673056
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38361) - you deserved it (7784)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:02pm - love - by SariLone (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

#20667435
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54072) - you deserved it (5265)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: