uzee

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Offline (the 02/14/2016 at 7:48pm)

uzee

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 12 March 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 14996
  • Number of comments : 61
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About uzee : Life is a moment. It's our job to make it seem like it lasts forever

uzee's page activity

Visits<b>oDontFuckMyL1fe</b> - the 03/12/2016 at 12:45am<b>biasedshooter</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 10:40am<b>iprene</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 5:28am<b>fmlcharlii</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 1:50am<b>Jenn_Ohio</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 2:04pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 7:50am<b>LAUREN_1053</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 3:59am<b>Dougie_Bee</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 5:09am<b>TeJadaTJD</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 1:45pm<b>imjanty</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 5:22am<b>simplyblades</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 8:40pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 6:38am<b>Whynotnowandhere</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 4:22pm<b>akosua</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 6:45pm<b>legendofizzy</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 5:06am<b>Fidge86</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 1:40pm<b>veebiter</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 7:08pm<b>ScottMC</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 1:31pm

uzee's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

See all of uzee's badges

uzee's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2015 at 7:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

by fucked / 02/06/2015 at 3:06am / Singapore / Work

Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm. When I woke up, I checked my email again. There was no email from my professor. It was a dream. FML

by DreamsDontComeTrue / 02/05/2015 at 1:15am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

by I'm screwed / 01/27/2015 at 6:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

by xoragebaby / 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm / United States (Delaware) / Animals

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

by kb / 01/10/2015 at 9:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

by anon / 01/09/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

by EvilBubbles / 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML

by Mixta / 01/02/2015 at 11:45pm / Love

Today, I'm celebrating New Years with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

by HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat / 01/01/2015 at 12:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

by skanula414 / 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Kids

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Work