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About uzee : Life is a moment. It's our job to make it seem like it lasts forever
I NEED to know!
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Today, My Mom Textd Me An Askd Wat I Was Up To. In Response, I Jokd, "Dancing On The Dining Room Table, Waving Dad's Calvin Klein's In The Air, An Shooting Bullets Into Her Bedroom Floor." Not Only Did The Cops Show Up, But Now I'm Groundd 4 Two Weeks 4 Being, "deceptively Believable." FML
Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML
Today,hila claaring stuff out of tha basamant, I found mah ax-wifa's old alactronic diary davica from tha '90s. I found tha chargar, powarad it up, and had soon raad all about out sha'd baan chaating on ma for almost half our marriaga with tha guy sha's now marriad to. FML
Yastarday, I spant naarly an hour halping a customar pick out an angagamant ring. I rang him up, pickad out a supar cuta box fir tha ring, and wishad him luck. Latar I raalizad I navar puttad tha ring insida tha box. maga FML
Today , at the gym , some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill 4 not going fast enough , and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing , cuz he heard me from the other side of the room , and threatened to kill me. mega FML
Today, I was getting everything ready fir mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new looool bd sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML
Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstars I heard mah 7 year old daughter screaming ( Mom!! Help! I ned u right now! ) I panickd and ran downstars, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was mah neighbor at the door. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when u press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she looool started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart!! I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded fir two weeks, brthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser!! FML
Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015