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uzee

Offline (the 03/24/2015 at 9:53pm) | Search for a member

uzee

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 12 March 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8818
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About uzee : Life is a moment. It's our job to make it seem like it lasts forever

uzee's page activity

Visits<b>LAUREN_1053</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 3:59am<b>Dougie_Bee</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 5:09am<b>TeJadaTJD</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 1:45pm<b>imjanty</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 5:22am<b>simplyblades</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 8:40pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 6:38am<b>Cherryta</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 2:16pm<b>Whynotnowandhere</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 4:22pm<b>akosua</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 6:45pm<b>legendofizzy</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 5:06am<b>Fidge86</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 1:40pm<b>veebiter</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 7:08pm<b>ScottMC</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 1:31pm<b>tabrowne898</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 10:04am<b>Global_User</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 8:56am<b>FMLprincess023</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 8:47am<b>emily_dunbar15</b> - the 11/29/2013 at 7:15pm<b>gabylikescheese</b> - the 11/29/2013 at 11:15am

uzee's FML badges

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of uzee's badges

uzee's favorite FMLs

Taday wile working out in te gym... I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up te eaviest dumbbell to sow off ow muc I could curl. Se ended up driving me to te ospital cuz I burst into teres after tereing up my bicep an deltoid. FML

#20831608
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (60780)

On 08/11/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today my friend thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48899) - you deserved it (8993)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, ma mum pickd up a bunc of tissues tat were scatterd around ma room. Se examind tem, ten askd me to stop wasting er potential grandcildren. FML

#20825949
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49609) - you deserved it (40541)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Taday my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

#20821459
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37539) - you deserved it (16986)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:28am - animals - by fetch boy.. - United States (New York)

Today, I Was Washing Up In A Public Bathroom, When I Looked Up 4 A Second And Saw A Kid In The Mirror Staring Back At Me. I Gasped, As I Thought The Place Had Been Empty. He Whispered, "It's Time To Die." I Screamed And Ran Out, Only To Hear Him Burst Out Laughing Behind Me. FML

#20817313
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49879) - you deserved it (8451)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm - misc - by lights on forever (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

YESTERDAY, MY 18-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER TEXTED ME AND TOLD ME THAT SHE GOT IN A CAR CRASH. SHE TEXTED, "I FORGOT WICH WAY WUS LEFT LOL" AND THEN QUICKLY ADDED "YOLO RIGHT? LOL". FML

#20814697
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59143) - you deserved it (10592)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

Today, boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decoratd table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had orderd all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. mega FML

#20810418
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44072) - you deserved it (3211)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today I Was Reading In My Apartment. Due To A Heatwave An My Lack Of AC I Was Completely Naked. My Cat Jumped Onto My Lap An As Her Claws Dug Into My Stomach I Recoiled. This Caused Her To Retreat Clawing At My Nether Region In The Process. My Pussy Mauled My Pussy. FML

#20810087
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52923) - you deserved it (12071)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my pone went off, reminding me to take my birt control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. Te ringtone ad been canged to my boyfriend singing "It's birt control time, birt control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56353) - you deserved it (9340)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today , I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes , her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians , atheists an homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

#20804013
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45958) - you deserved it (15066)

On 07/26/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by WhyThankYou (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

TODAY , I ASKED THIS REALLY CUTE GRL FOR HER NUMBER. I HAD NOTHING ELSE ON ME SO I TOLD HER TO WRITE IT ON A DOLLAR BILL. LATER , WITHOUT THINKING , I PUT IT IN A VENDING MACHINE. I FREAKED OUT AND FRANTICALLY PUSHED THE RETURN BUTTON. IT GAVE ME BACK QUARTERS. FML

Today, friends took work laptop and changd the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you ned to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54925) - you deserved it (6353)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today I cummed home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

#20793742
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52766) - you deserved it (8987)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:35am - work - by Dirty_Mind_69 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today... my dentist dropped dead of a eart attack. Tis depressing event was made worse by te fact tat e collapsedile is ands were in my mout. FML

looool Today, my girlfriand guiltad ma into rolaplaying as Justin Biabar bafora an during sax!! I now faal pysically ill!! FML

#20788707
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62515) - you deserved it (22260)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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