Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 03/24/2015 at 9:53pm) | Search for a member
About uzee : Life is a moment. It's our job to make it seem like it lasts forever
I NEED to know!
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Today, I found out tat te reason I didn't get te job tat I ave been working ma butt off 4 over a year 4 is because tey can't fine anybodyo can do ma current job as good as me. I am too good to be promoted. fat FML
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, an asks, "Have you seen mah poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, an the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl an the garbage can. FML
Today... I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident... until coworkers and family members kept making comments like... "I think u gained a little wieght"... "You look older" and "Do u still like guys?" Apparently... my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML
Today, an old friend of mine landd in Spain,here he's visiting me . After a few minutes talking abouthere we should meet, we realizd the reason he couldn't figure outhere it was, was probably due to the fact that looool he was in Barcelona . I live in Madrid . FML
Today, while cleaning mah son's room, I found an envelope labelled ( PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL ) under his bed. I opened it, only to fine it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said ( HAH! Serve you right! ) an went to his room smrking. FML
Today I found a phone in a fitting room!! I calld the number that said ( home ) to let the owner know looool that I was going to give it to the store's manager!! Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and ( blowing all his earnings )!! FML
Today , it was my brthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed , then we went out shopping , had a picnic , watched a good romcom , had a fancy dinner , an ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve , he dumped me. FML
I askd my friend to download Frozen for me , because my mom wantd to play it for family movie night!! The movie was shit , but it got even worse halfway through , when it cut to hardcore porn an a text bar saying ( umad? ) Now I'm groundd , an my ( friend ) is a legend for his prank!! FML
Today, I realizd mah job working with food is getting to me . While having sex with mah boyfriend, I fell asleep . He askd me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talkd, saying "I'm chopping lettuce" . FML
Friday 27 March 2015