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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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upyourzlolz

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upyourzlolz
  • Town/Country : Chicago, you should know where Chicago is.
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 11 July 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 248
  • Number of comments : 470
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About upyourzlolz : Honestly, I have no life.

But you still wanna here about me? Fine then.

I use FML because I feel bad about not using up my data plan. I believe that's justified.

I am a necrophiliac. And a pedophile.

My penis is incredibly small. 1.86 inches. Erect.

I am called "upyourzlolz" because I will get up yours, and then I will lol.

People I like (no particular order)
Perdix
DocBastard
TheIsland
Flockz
Enonymous
Sirin
THE_A_TEEN
Every1luvsboners
EvilPotato
StoryOfTheYear
MrMisfit
ikickgingers

People I hate
Boredblonde
PeyPeyTheBeeotch
Eatsleepjb
stfu_bam

^Note that if you're on that list, it may not be that I exactly hate you. It's just that you constantly put comments that highly irritate me in an attempt to be witty, but end up being stupid. Congrats.

No. I'm not a Grammar Nazi. I'm in Grammar Youth.

upyourzlolz's last visitors

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

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You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

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upyourzlolz's favorite FMLs

Today, I was browsing some hardcore porn sites. My mum decided to barge into my room uninvited, so I quickly switched tabs. Unfortunately for me, all five other tabs were also parked on porn galleries. Now my computer and phone are confiscated, and I can only get online at the local library. FML

#19301849 (418)

I agree, your life sucks (2975) - you deserved it (13911)

On 03/18/2012 at 4:46pm - misc - by waitwhat (man) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

#19301577 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (8022) - you deserved it (879)

On 03/18/2012 at 4:02pm - misc - by Rapunzel (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (39606) - you deserved it (2653)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

#18961404 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (6265) - you deserved it (2068)

On 01/31/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by B - Netherlands

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

#18961286 (80)

I agree, your life sucks (8082) - you deserved it (769)

On 01/31/2012 at 3:17pm - health - by louie (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

#18954605 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (16514) - you deserved it (6646)

On 01/30/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by upupandaway (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217 (291)

I agree, your life sucks (14744) - you deserved it (1064)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

#18604441 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (7695) - you deserved it (1262)

On 12/25/2011 at 2:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

#18599124 (66)

I agree, your life sucks (5762) - you deserved it (547)

On 12/24/2011 at 3:04pm - misc - by ambled - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother was watching me play Pokémon. She walked over to the TV and pulled the plug before ranting about how shameful it is that her 17 year old daughter plays Pokémon. She then sat down at the computer and started playing Farmville. FML

#18594471 (294)

I agree, your life sucks (27985) - you deserved it (3902)

On 12/24/2011 at 12:15am - misc - by arrowtopatella (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

#18593025 (399)

I agree, your life sucks (4444) - you deserved it (10322)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

#18560228 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (16850) - you deserved it (1349)

On 12/20/2011 at 7:46am - health - by ouch (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140 (237)

I agree, your life sucks (8934) - you deserved it (18625)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

#18542625 (371)

I agree, your life sucks (24706) - you deserved it (11050)

On 12/18/2011 at 5:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

#18531059 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (25339) - you deserved it (3821)

On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard - Reserved



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