Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About ugh_a_lug : I wonder why you are reading this. It is probably because I said something that amused you or made you angry. You're welcome either way.
If you would like to know more about me, here is my life story:
I spent many days and many nights in a dark, warm land. I had all the food I needed and slept anytime I wished. It was a fruitful place. Approximately 272 days passed in this sanctuary. However, I was all alone and desired company. I knew deep down inside me that there was more to see of the universe. I decided to explore beyond the world I knew so well. It was a harrowing journey trying to escape. The walls seemed to constrict around me and were filled with screams. Nevertheless, I fought on. Suddenly there was a bright light. The light grew bigger and bigger until it blinded me. After there was nothing but the bright light, I felt the walls fall away behind me and I emerged into the world.
And that was how I was born. The rest of my life is trivial. The end.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, my mom found a new way to get me to clean my room. She piled everything from my floor in front of my wardrobe and padlocked my dresser shut. The best part? She put the key in my room. The worst part? She put over a hundred decoys in there too. FML
Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML
Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML