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turtlemanz

Offline (the 08/17/2014 at 5:15pm) | Search for a member

turtlemanz

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 December 1996 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 937
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About turtlemanz : Canadian

turtlemanz's page activity

Visits<b>XxduckiexX</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 11:10pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:31pm<b>ThunderTheRad</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 2:33pm<b>Chelsea_bella</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 1:29pm<b>Khivt</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 4:57pm<b>bryan1271999</b> - the 12/13/2013 at 4:04am<b>Wrex</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 10:06am<b>hannah_banana99</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 10:29pm<b>mkayden</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 4:53pm<b>Musicismylife98</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 8:40am<b>02159956</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 8:12am<b>kangasfwa</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 6:49pm<b>akirakuran42</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 6:33pm<b>Raveen</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 4:58pm<b>BodyCountEndless</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 4:30pm<b>sleepwalker13</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 2:34pm<b>SadisticStephyy</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 2:32pm<b>Pwobbles</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 1:56pm

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turtlemanz's favorite FMLs

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

#15580957
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32116) - you deserved it (6492)

On 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm - health - by Amy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

#15178043
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33800) - you deserved it (4002)

On 03/02/2011 at 7:35pm - work - by Worstjob (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

#15172476
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27043) - you deserved it (9117)

On 03/02/2011 at 3:16am - misc - by Noguestlist -

Today, I was driving my family home, when my 7 year old son had to pee. Having long since passed any rest stops, I made him use a bottle. Once he was done, he grenaded the bottle out the window, hitting someone's windshield dead on. FML

#14186917
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10410) - you deserved it (30397)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by wtfson -

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

#13675906
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32352) - you deserved it (3129)

On 11/01/2010 at 3:39pm - misc - by mr_p - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (48762)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

#11935766
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21746) - you deserved it (42445)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38679) - you deserved it (2941)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

#4440172
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47446) - you deserved it (7143)

On 08/11/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when you flush the toilet, the contents do not disappear into oblivion. They show up in your basement when your sewer backs up. And they come in greater numbers. FML

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52312) - you deserved it (23368)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15193) - you deserved it (49045)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

#3241027
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44813) - you deserved it (26730)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by LondonKitsch (woman) - United States



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