About Turtlemanz
Canadian
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Turtlemanz's FML badges
  • Profile completed

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  • Mobility

    You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
  • Consolation prize

    Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
  • Keen reader – Level: student ninja

    You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
  • Keen reader – Level: master ninja

    You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
  • It's in the can!

    Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
  • Up and coming moderator

    It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
  • Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

    You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    0%
  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
    0%
  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
    0%
  • Who’s the fairest of them all?

    This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
    33%
  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
    7%
  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
    4%
  • Judgmental

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    19%
  • 50 quality comments

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    0%
  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
    5%
  • 100 kick-ass comments

    100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
    7%
  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
    0%
The list of badges to find
Turtlemanz's favorite FMLs

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

By jazopalchris - / Monday 25 November 2013 23:42 / Australia - Mount Gambier

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

By why god / Monday 25 November 2013 06:16 / United States - Huntington Park

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

By snowwhite - / Monday 28 October 2013 04:51 / Australia - Sydney

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

By Anonymous / Sunday 20 July 2014 05:23 / United States

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

By regretsteachinghighschool / Tuesday 5 November 2013 13:22 / United States - Rochester