turtlemanz

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Offline (the 07/21/2016 at 3:59pm)

turtlemanz

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 December 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2330
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About turtlemanz : Canadian

turtlemanz's page activity

Visits<b>Snip_Snap</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 10:05pm<b>lucythomson</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 10:08am<b>Mortoli</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 3:10am<b>hulmeman</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 11:00pm<b>Amiiii</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 1:23pm<b>isum21</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 9:24pm<b>Valcannos</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 3:11pm<b>InsertLifeThere</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 4:01pm<b>RA91</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 6:54pm<b>rozline96</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 3:33pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 2:07pm<b>Sonjington</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 2:01pm<b>agustibaarn</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 11:38am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 11:38am<b>XxduckiexX</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 11:10pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:31pm<b>ThunderTheRad</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 2:33pm<b>Chelsea_bella</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 1:29pm

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turtlemanz's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

by megasniper240 / 06/19/2012 at 11:35am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

by lon01t / 05/07/2012 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

by Alyssa / 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

by crybaby / 02/01/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

by Dani / 11/28/2011 at 7:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2011 at 1:58am / United States / Transportation

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

by skichick54 / 08/24/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

by brittbrat4 / 08/13/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Florida) / Kids