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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7809) - you deserved it (53712)
On 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States
Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6711) - you deserved it (47174)
On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23299) - you deserved it (3101)
On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22757) - you deserved it (6679)
Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22853) - you deserved it (2206)
On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37629) - you deserved it (3807)
On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States
Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47875) - you deserved it (4812)
On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23335) - you deserved it (6429)
On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30679) - you deserved it (2349)
On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)
Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14451) - you deserved it (22952)
On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)
Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31918) - you deserved it (10209)
On 08/13/2011 at 12:06am - love - by sydneybourgeois - United States (Texas)
Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22763) - you deserved it (1888)
On 08/10/2011 at 5:37pm - misc - by jakethed0g (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)
Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45783) - you deserved it (4518)
On 05/01/2011 at 10:30am - intimacy - by nothanks - United States (Texas)
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26510) - you deserved it (5026)
On 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm - health - by Amy - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28533) - you deserved it (3152)
On 03/02/2011 at 7:35pm - work - by Worstjob (man) - United States (Idaho)
Monday 20 May 2013
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