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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 December 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1661
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About turtlemanz : Canadian

turtlemanz's page activity

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turtlemanz's favorite FMLs

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42777) - you deserved it (24061)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML


I agree, your life sucks (42039) - you deserved it (7052)

On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML


Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37773) - you deserved it (4112)

On 12/25/2012 at 12:00am - love - by all by myself - United States (Alaska)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40514) - you deserved it (4591)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27935) - you deserved it (4146)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31257) - you deserved it (2066)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:44am - health - by mysidesaresplitting - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML


I agree, your life sucks (46211) - you deserved it (7062)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (26861) - you deserved it (5727)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it was my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24028) - you deserved it (4438)

On 10/17/2012 at 1:16am - love - by Marie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (4937)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27425) - you deserved it (2403)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36481) - you deserved it (11276)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

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