Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

turtlemanz

Search for a member

turtlemanz
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 December 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 788
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About turtlemanz : Canadian

turtlemanz's last visitors

ThunderTheRadChelsea_bellaKhivtWrexmkayden02159956akirakuran42Raveen

turtlemanz's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of turtlemanz's badges

turtlemanz's favorite FMLs

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

#20996147
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44002) - you deserved it (2979)

On 12/17/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by gymgirl - United States (Texas)

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

#20970485
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40217) - you deserved it (4980)

On 11/25/2013 at 6:42pm - misc - by jazopalchris (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60818) - you deserved it (4208)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60818) - you deserved it (4208)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41535) - you deserved it (5047)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46942) - you deserved it (7568)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

#20875739
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32341) - you deserved it (11754)

On 09/10/2013 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42718) - you deserved it (13480)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53347) - you deserved it (4806)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

#20807336
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42363) - you deserved it (3240)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:28am - animals - by mishyb (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

#20757332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52586) - you deserved it (3336)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37650) - you deserved it (12851)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

#20713183
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54382) - you deserved it (10835)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

#20689805
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42915) - you deserved it (3159)

On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: