transilvanianson

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transilvanianson

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2488
  • Number of comments : 51
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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transilvanianson's page activity

Visits<b>aa1717</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 9:22pm<b>regenerate</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 1:21pm<b>thycleverestname</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 3:38pm<b>marmar9407</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 12:08pm<b>Wubzo</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 6:59am<b>DubCantStep</b> - the 01/10/2013 at 11:07am

transilvanianson's FML badges

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transilvanianson's favorite FMLs

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 12:50am / Canada / Health

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

by Jared / 02/25/2012 at 2:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 12:18am / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

by Kevin / 02/13/2012 at 1:00am / United States / Love

Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2012 at 11:25pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML

by Jarryd / 02/10/2012 at 12:40am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 12:31am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML

by Bonapp / 02/09/2012 at 5:11pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

by Silver_Samurai / 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm / Netherlands / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

by manhandled / 02/01/2012 at 1:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML

by HylianFox / 01/26/2012 at 11:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2012 at 11:18pm / United States (Texas) / Kids