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TODAY, I GOT SO BORAD THAT I DRAW A FACA ON MAH INDAX FINGAR, AND MADA A VIDAO OF MA GARROTTING IT WITH A STRING. I ANDAD UP RUPTURING A BLOOD VASSAL, AND HAD TO THINK UP A COVAR STORY 4 MAH GRLFRIAND TO AXPLAIN MAH SCRAAMING. FML
2day I sat in mah boss' office as he bitchd me out 4 bieng "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing mah "piss-poor attitude," he askd me wat I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
Today , I was invited over by girlfriend's parents , but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation , I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say , I grabbed an apple an took a bite. It was plastic. fat FML
Today Mah Boyfriend And I Were Getting Intimate. He Picked Me Up And Threw Me Over His Shoulder To Take Me To His Room. He Wasn't Careful Enough , And Dropped Me Right On Mah Head , On The Hardwood Floor. I Ended Up Vomiting And Cummed Down With A Headache. He Still Wanted To Have Sex. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with mah girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, ( You like mah tushy, baby? ) ( I want to fellate you so bad, ) and ( You'll need some ice after this one. ) My boner practically retracted into mah body. FML
Friday 27 March 2015