About torio123 : don't touch me
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torio123's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by imafunguy / 10/04/2012 at 8:28pm / United States / Love
Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML
by disgusted / 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by iNearlyHurled / 09/28/2012 at 4:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2012 at 12:51am / United States / Kids
by weave9z / 09/03/2012 at 10:08pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by youre dumped shitforbrain / 08/19/2012 at 12:52pm / Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan) / Love
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
by milf / 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 5:02am / United States / Intimacy
by joleezad5 / 07/31/2012 at 10:49pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML
by em from Cali / 07/28/2012 at 4:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
by deadman / 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2012 at 6:37am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my mom accidentally hit my dog. She didn't see him and she felt so bad. She started cuddling… Today, my supervisor at work took me into the back room, saying "several other cashiers complained… Today, my new doctor gave me a pamphlet for a cervical cancer prevention injection and told me it's…