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thisguy22's favorite FMLs
by Abrams52 / 05/28/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML
by fuck you retail / 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
by i hit a cyclist / 05/27/2013 at 7:19am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Transportation
by scared-straight / 05/27/2013 at 12:05am / United States / Animals
Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML
by datgirl92 / 05/24/2013 at 10:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Jololol / 05/17/2013 at 5:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
by need € for new iron / 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
by Calaraphea / 05/16/2013 at 11:01am / United Kingdom (Warrington) / Miscellaneous
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
by grossesfesses / 05/15/2013 at 2:58am / France (Picardie) / Miscellaneous
by ktorih137 / 05/14/2013 at 7:32am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Transportation
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
by more than I wanted to know / 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Intimacy
by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
by Screwed Up / 05/09/2013 at 1:30am / United States / Health
by serialkillingex / 05/07/2013 at 3:45am / Netherlands / Love
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML