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thisguy22's favorite FMLs
by aianmoo16 / 05/01/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
by Dramaqueenfornothing / 04/27/2016 at 6:32pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love
by Calluna / 03/08/2016 at 10:26am / United States (New Jersey) / Money
by moosemay / 02/06/2016 at 6:42am / Germany (Bayern) / Animals
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
by sweetie808 / 01/28/2016 at 3:39am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals
by jimmy_morton / 01/26/2016 at 1:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by hrmpf / 01/19/2016 at 9:37am / Germany (Bremen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML
by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/31/2015 at 3:19am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML
by Embarrassed ass. / 10/23/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-workers 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone". FML
by ForeverAlone / 09/22/2015 at 5:40pm / Ukraine / Miscellaneous
by ambiiii / 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 9:26am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm / United States (New York) / Love
- Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like… Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends… Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my…