thievingbird

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Offline (the 07/05/2016 at 5:40am)

thievingbird

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 February 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1057
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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thievingbird's page activity

Visits<b>Yazoo77</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 3:19am<b>CaptainFoxbutt</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 12:12am<b>ydi_4_suking</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 5:01pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 6:26pm<b>Blue_Black</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 12:56am<b>hannahsnyder69</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 12:31pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 1:47am<b>Yongchi</b> - the 05/24/2013 at 1:52am<b>Shea_Nicole</b> - the 05/22/2013 at 12:52am<b>Jeeper4Life</b> - the 05/21/2013 at 7:45am<b>Ashleyawsomeness</b> - the 05/18/2013 at 7:37pm<b>Coeliacchic93</b> - the 05/11/2013 at 4:53pm<b>Sydney06</b> - the 05/07/2013 at 10:24pm<b>edgar20</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 10:39pm<b>Tsunami87</b> - the 03/02/2013 at 1:42pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 02/27/2013 at 11:54pm<b>incendiaaa</b> - the 02/14/2013 at 10:11am<b>blkbttrfly</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:33am

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thievingbird's favorite FMLs

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

by alejandro38 / 07/11/2010 at 10:44am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML

by drsyl54 / 03/28/2010 at 5:04am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

by Jen / 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 12:57am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

by ItsFunnyNow / 10/22/2009 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

by WOCOACH / 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

by urmommmm / 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2009 at 12:32am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

by BadMurderer / 07/31/2009 at 12:01am / Mexico (Tabasco) / Kids

Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML

by mubaki / 07/24/2009 at 1:07pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

by boinger / 06/03/2009 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

by lover21 / 05/08/2009 at 7:17pm / United States (New York) / Work