thievingbird

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Offline (the 07/05/2016 at 5:40am)

thievingbird

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 February 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1132
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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thievingbird's page activity

Visits<b>Yazoo77</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 3:19am<b>CaptainFoxbutt</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 12:12am<b>ydi_4_suking</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 5:01pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 6:26pm<b>Blue_Black</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 12:56am<b>hannahsnyder69</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 12:31pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 1:47am<b>Yongchi</b> - the 05/24/2013 at 1:52am<b>Shea_Nicole</b> - the 05/22/2013 at 12:52am<b>Jeeper4Life</b> - the 05/21/2013 at 7:45am<b>Ashleyawsomeness</b> - the 05/18/2013 at 7:37pm<b>Coeliacchic93</b> - the 05/11/2013 at 4:53pm<b>Sydney06</b> - the 05/07/2013 at 10:24pm<b>edgar20</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 10:39pm<b>Tsunami87</b> - the 03/02/2013 at 1:42pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 02/27/2013 at 11:54pm<b>incendiaaa</b> - the 02/14/2013 at 10:11am<b>blkbttrfly</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:33am

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thievingbird's favorite FMLs

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 2:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

by WTF / 01/16/2013 at 2:52am / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Love

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

by jenA / 08/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

by authorsubmit / 05/04/2012 at 8:49am / United States / Health

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

by CA19oo / 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

by JukeboxValkyrie / 02/16/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

by jocksblow / 11/14/2011 at 8:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

by _TaToRtOt_ / 07/18/2011 at 9:08am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

by ohno / 07/13/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

by BerkeleyBiker / 04/19/2011 at 4:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

by fartingdogprego / 07/23/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.