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thievingbird's favorite FMLs
Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML
by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 2:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Love
by jenA / 08/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by authorsubmit / 05/04/2012 at 8:49am / United States / Health
by CA19oo / 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by JukeboxValkyrie / 02/16/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by jocksblow / 11/14/2011 at 8:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
by _TaToRtOt_ / 07/18/2011 at 9:08am / United States (Virginia) / Money
Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML
by ohno / 07/13/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by BerkeleyBiker / 04/19/2011 at 4:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML
by fartingdogprego / 07/23/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…