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thievingbird

Offline (the 08/13/2014 at 5:56am) | Search for a member

thievingbird

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 February 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 740
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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thievingbird's page activity

Visits<b>CaptainFoxbutt</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 12:12am<b>ydi_4_suking</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 5:01pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 6:26pm<b>Blue_Black</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 12:56am<b>hannahsnyder69</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 12:31pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 1:47am<b>Yongchi</b> - the 05/24/2013 at 1:52am<b>Shea_Nicole</b> - the 05/22/2013 at 12:52am<b>Jeeper4Life</b> - the 05/21/2013 at 7:45am<b>Ashleyawsomeness</b> - the 05/18/2013 at 7:37pm<b>Coeliacchic93</b> - the 05/11/2013 at 4:53pm<b>Sydney06</b> - the 05/07/2013 at 10:24pm<b>edgar20</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 10:39pm<b>Tsunami87</b> - the 03/02/2013 at 1:42pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 02/27/2013 at 11:54pm<b>incendiaaa</b> - the 02/14/2013 at 10:11am<b>blkbttrfly</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:33am<b>theamazingone_12</b> - the 02/03/2013 at 7:45am

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thievingbird's favorite FMLs

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

#20517185
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24535) - you deserved it (7246)

On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36531) - you deserved it (3832)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20354) - you deserved it (1903)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

#20033618
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (2521)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32621) - you deserved it (4117)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

#19572377
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13144) - you deserved it (41323)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

#19309925
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23473) - you deserved it (1680)

On 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm - animals - by CA19oo - United States (Georgia)

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

#18244771
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23378) - you deserved it (3798)

On 11/14/2011 at 8:23am - misc - by jocksblow - United States

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

#17161191
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34757) - you deserved it (3672)

On 07/18/2011 at 9:08am - misc - by _TaToRtOt_ (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

#17088457
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30639) - you deserved it (6380)

On 07/13/2011 at 12:43am - kids - by ohno - United States (Colorado)

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

#16299538
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36348) - you deserved it (5992)

On 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

#15844059
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31220) - you deserved it (3317)

On 04/19/2011 at 4:23am - misc - by BerkeleyBiker (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45704) - you deserved it (14565)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML



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