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Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52206) - you deserved it (5107)
On 05/10/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by sucksforme. (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64273) - you deserved it (22210)
On 05/01/2009 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by erectioninfection (man) - United States
Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13478) - you deserved it (45328)
On 04/29/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Cammy (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)
Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14110) - you deserved it (169829)
On 04/28/2009 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91104) - you deserved it (6006)
On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38580) - you deserved it (3685)
On 04/25/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by Clumsy (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9149) - you deserved it (45614)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by notexactly (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies "That's my dad". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8177) - you deserved it (50783)
On 04/22/2009 at 2:24pm - misc - by derranged - China (Tianjin)
Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13324) - you deserved it (109401)
On 04/06/2009 at 10:42am - money - by brhorton02 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58347) - you deserved it (7785)
On 03/25/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by face (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (121515) - you deserved it (3830)
On 03/06/2009 at 5:20pm - health - by Noname (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43780) - you deserved it (4195)
On 02/28/2009 at 5:52am - misc - by Judiee (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35407) - you deserved it (2417)
On 02/22/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by JRock - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45952) - you deserved it (6706)
On 02/22/2009 at 10:57am - love - by lee (man) - United States (Maryland)
Monday 20 May 2013
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