thestoryofmylyf

Search for a member

Online

thestoryofmylyf

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2046
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

thestoryofmylyf's page activity

Visits<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 7:33pm<b>ksks1234</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 10:23am<b>pokerface71</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 5:31pm<b>Rozza17</b> - the 04/11/2014 at 10:03am<b>Shrouds</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 5:37pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 06/12/2013 at 7:12pm

Fucked!<b>ksks1234</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 4:21pm

thestoryofmylyf's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of thestoryofmylyf's badges

thestoryofmylyf's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch it because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 1:05pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I had to leave work early as I almost passed out. My girlfriend's first question after I told her what happened was, "Did you hear Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar?" FML

by Sir Anon / 02/29/2016 at 3:18pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

by confused / 02/26/2015 at 10:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2015 at 8:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

by SDCore / 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

by anonymous / 10/31/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2014 at 11:42am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

by immature / 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Work

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

by anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

by poorbastard / 08/30/2014 at 4:35am / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work