About tacohead411 : Squidward is done with your shit.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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tacohead411's favorite FMLs
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Health
Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML
by our kids will be derps / 06/22/2013 at 3:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 10:00am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 3:31am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 2:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML
by notkatvond / 06/19/2013 at 2:46pm / United States / Work
Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML
by Well, crap / 06/18/2013 at 11:02am / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Love
Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML
by Not a day over 35 / 06/18/2013 at 9:06am / United States (Alaska) / Work
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 1:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids
by idontwanttoknow / 06/16/2013 at 7:37am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:37am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 5:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm / Cyprus (Limassol) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I went to the doctor's office, they did their regular check up, and found "odd red marks" on… Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop… Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her…