195
By Anonymous / Monday 24 June 2013 20:26 / United States
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Why make a scene? Were you assuming she would say yes just because everyone was looking at her? I'd be embarrassed too, because that's just asking for trouble in my opinion and if she says no(which she did) then people make her out to be cruel and heartless.

In my humble opinion, no proposal should ever be rejected because everyone who proposes should be DAMNED SURE the answer will be "yes". If you aren't absolutely positive, don't do it.

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She is probably embarrassed because he got everyone's attention before hand and they are most likely glaring at her now.

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89, why is it that so many people like you say "dump him/her and find someone better"? Can't you consider the fact that she may not have been ready? Or maybe she's just afraid of commitment? Or maybe she was simply embarrassed with the fact he asked her in a public place?

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But 95, that's just your opinion. In your eyes, you see her as the problem when in fact it very well could have been OP's fault. Not saying that it is OP, but from what I'm getting from this FML, I'm guessing that he never brought up the concept of marriage before hand.

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89 / 95, there could be many reasons as to why the girlfriend declined the proposal. Maybe they have issues that the girlfriend wants resolved before she makes that committment with OP, maybe marriage was not something she thought about yet, etc. You don't know the whole story, and for you to tell the OP to just dump her straight off is a bit ridiculous. OP obviously loves her and hopes to be with her for the rest of his life; maybe she just needs more time before she is ready to say yes.

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@94 It was her cold, self-centered response that was the problem. Who would want to be trapped in a marriage with that girl? This guy needs to run.

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Being afraid of commitment can sometimes make people do weird things. She probably regrets the way she acted, but not saying no. Just give her some more time and try to make her comfortable with the idea of marraige.

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Some people are together for 10 year before even thinking about marriage. It's a big step in someone's life! It definitely shouldn't be taken lightly.

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You can't be with someone for 2 years and not at least like them if not love them. Just wait until she is ready and propose again but first talk about it and see how she feels about marriage

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@187 I've been with my bf for 2 years and there's no way I'd marry him right now. I want to finish school first and get a full time job. luckily for me we talk about the future and I know he'd never propose to me like this until he was sure I was ready.

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I don't agree with this. Why be an ass when he set himself up to be embarrassed and he embarrassed her in the process? She doesn't have to say yes just because people are watching them.

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I'm sorry, but he should act immaturely because she said no? How rude. Oh, this woman didn't do what I wanted her to do, better screw her over! I hate when people just want to "get even" with anyone who doesn't do what you wanted them to do. Maybe she's not ready for marriage or just doesn't want to get married at all. Don't blame the lack of communication on her alone.

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That's fine that he wants to make it a good memory, but making a scene in a restaurant? C'mon. That is embarrassing. If he was with her for 2 years then he should know what she is comfortable and what is not. If he wanted to make something like that work, then he should have been absolutely sure they were on the Same level and maybe done it quietly amongst themselves then announced it after she said yes, if she would've said yes. Would have saved him from the embarrassment of being denied the pr

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People always seem to think a girl wants to be proposed to with the whole world watching. Values have changed. Not every girl wants to get married or thinks commitment needs a wedding, a ring, and a contract to be real. I am one of those women. I would be embarrassed if the person I was with just assumed I would want to marry him without discussing it with me. Not because the idea of marriage is offensive, but that someone who loved me would not want to hear what I had to say. It sounds like O

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Agree 100% with you 62, communication is key. Proposing without discussing marriage first is a disaster waiting to happen, as OP clearly found out.

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So saying no because you are not ready for marriage is now considered screwing someone over #96? Interesting...I don't know about you but if I'm not ready for marriage or not 100% that I really want to be with someone for the rest of my life, I am NOT saying yes. Doesn't matter if its private or public. And she doesn't have to say yes, nor is she obligated to just because they have been together for 2 years.

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@ 96 that's not called justice. that's called being petty and immature. if you did something like that the girl would be totally right to refuse your proposal because you cleary would not be ready for marriage.

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wait... so HE planned a big proposal and HE made a scene and HE neglected to think about her feelings in the matter... and *she* screwed him over? #96 you are wrong and a jerk. HE screwed HIMSELF over

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Wow, I was joking. My mistake for not inferring it! Yeah, I agree he set himself up and he should've talked to her. But, she could've reacted a different way. That's what I was trying to imply, my mistake. (:

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I was just kidding when I punched you in the face and took my tire iron to all your car's windows. I didn't really mean it, I swear!

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What, so she should have said yes even though she doesn't want to marry him? Something about what you said is very, very wrong.

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It's horribly embarrassing for both parties involved. Of course it's crushing for him, but with everyone watching like that she was made out to be the bad guy just because she didn't say yes. He really should have made sure they were on the same level before doing this..

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Depends how he "made a big scene" but either way it is embarrassing for both parties. When a woman says no to a public proposal, she's basically called a bitch and told she is heartless.

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Sounds like to me he wanted everyone's attention to kind of push her towards saying yes. Which is why it was embarrassing for her, because she just turned someone down and probably ruined their day with a whole load of eyes on her, when she just wasn't ready for a commitment. If he's embarrassed then he deserves it for getting everyone's attention in the first place.

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Proposing in public: hard to do Declining said proposal: hard to deal with So yep, I'd say that's pretty much the definition of awkward then.

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Two years isn't that long? Really? My wife and I had been dating for almost exactly 2 years when I proposed, and 15 years later we're still very much together. The time dating isn't nearly as important as getting to know the person thoroughly so you know if you're truly compatible.

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Time doesn't matter. I married my wife the next day I met her. It has been a week and we are both happy and in love. Tomorrow we are going to try and have kids. Life is short when you're a cat.

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50, not always. I lived with my ex for three of the seven years we were together. It took a long time for me to realize what a lazy, entitled slime he was, and I'm just grateful we didn't get married after two years, when I was still in lust with him.

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Time depends on the person. My friend and her husband only dated for five months before getting married. They been married for five years now and very much in love. My boyfriend and I been together for two years and talking about marriage. OP should have discussed it with her first.

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lets see, I've been married two years. he proposed at 8 months. hmmm. yeah, no one can judge how ready a couple is by how long they've been together. sometimes you know right away, sometimes you spend hours on the phone talking and get to know each other better than you know anyone else... and sometimes people just don't want to get married at all

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Idk, maybe I just find the whole commitment thing scary so thats why it seems like a short time to me. It is nice to hear that it works out for people though.

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Just proposed to my fiance after close to two and a half years of dating... Got on one knee in a restaurant, didn't make a scene even though I knew she was going to say yes... Heck only 3 other tables saw me do it out of a jam packed restaurant. I have no sympathy for OP... No one likes an attention whore.

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Incorrect, she loves me and me only. Yes, I can be an asshole, but in this case, he made a scene to get peoples attention. That's a lot more different then just winging it and hoping people take notice of your actions. Like I said, I did not feel the need to get everyones attention when I proposed.

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50- no, not necessarily. My mum is in the process of divorcing the guy she started seeing 8 years ago. They dated for 2 or 3 years before moving in together and have been living together ever since, but it took this long for them to realize they really aren't a good couple. They're to the point now where he thinks she's a bitch and she thinks he's a dick, and they can barely stand to be in a room together without fighting. So clearly two years (or eight) is not necessarily long enough to know if

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OP got into this mess for putting her under public pressure. He deserves it. Don't make a public thing out of your relationship because for her it was embarrassing.

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I totally agree with you. But he got rejected...that's sort of embarrassing in and of itself.

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He should have brought the topic up casually a while before he did it to make sure they were on the same level and that she was even interested in marriage..

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Yep. Like a good lawyer, he should have known the answer before he asked the question . Meaning that they should have had a discussion

Why make a scene? Were you assuming she would say yes just because everyone was looking at her? I'd be embarrassed too, because that's just asking for trouble in my opinion and if she says no(which she did) then people make her out to be cruel and heartless.

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I agree. Someone making a scene in a restaurant is really embarrassing. It's OP's own fault for her saying no. Why would he want everyone to be watching anyway? It's none of their business.

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He deserves is for making a scene whit the waiter. If that's how he wanted to propose, he should have had the balls to just stand up and politely ask for everyone's attention for a moment. Instead he instantly came off as an asshole then asked her to marry said asshole! No way OP doesn't deserve it!

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exactly, my husband proposed in a restaurant... he didn't need to ask anyone's attention... in general when you see the wait staff congregating (they knew before hand so they were all waiting for it) and a man on his knee it draws attention to the situation!

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You must be a cold b1tch too. There are better ways to deal with it. All she had to say is this is big step and she needs time to think. If she actually loves him, that's not hard to say.

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I agree wholeheartedly. Putting someone on the spot is a terrible idea. If you have discussed marriage and you know that she's interested, etc, then yeah okay that can work. But otherwise asking a woman to marry you in public is a terrible idea. I have seen an fml where a woman accepted and then told him "actually no, I just didn't want all those people to think I was a jerk". That is the situation you put a woman in when you do this. If she says no, everyone thinks she's a cold-hear

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