About tacohead411 : Squidward is done with your shit.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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tacohead411's favorite FMLs
Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my brother sent me an image by Skype, saying I really had to see it. I figured it was some kind of stupid joke, but I tried to look anyway. It wouldn't open. Turns out he thought he could just rename the ".exe" on a virus to ".jpg" and it would still run. My brother's a cretin. FML
by Anonymous / 10/19/2013 at 4:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML
by maxkeyftw / 10/17/2013 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML
by markerThief / 10/13/2013 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML
by SlapAndTickle / 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm / United States / Kids
by failure / 10/10/2013 at 10:11am / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by courtnayy / 09/30/2013 at 10:47am / United States / Love
by meens42 / 09/30/2013 at 4:04am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 7:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by anotherfmladdict / 09/26/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Iowa) / Kids
by saraitkddh / 09/24/2013 at 1:51pm / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…