About tacohead411 : Squidward is done with your shit.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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tacohead411's favorite FMLs
Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML
by hipprep83 / 03/20/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML
by Noname / 03/17/2009 at 9:24pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
by gentileman / 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by Noname / 03/16/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
by twit / 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Maryland) / Money
Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML
by thankskimi / 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML
by sucks / 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm / United States / Intimacy
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by dad / 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by loser / 02/28/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML
by fuckthat / 02/18/2009 at 12:08am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment.… Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I… Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was…