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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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tacohead411's favorite FMLs
by Hank Gummyworm / 06/16/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML
by crapped on / 06/16/2011 at 2:25am / United States / Animals
by mike oxsmall / 06/16/2011 at 1:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Ari / 06/16/2011 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Love
by randomjulz / 06/15/2011 at 11:53pm / United States / Love
Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML
by missy / 06/15/2011 at 10:42pm / United States (Alaska) / Transportation
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
by anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 2:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 9:37am / Denmark (Sjelland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML
by unknown / 06/15/2011 at 6:20am / United States (California) / Love
by Username / 06/15/2011 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Health
by Username / 06/14/2011 at 10:38pm / United States / Love
Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML
by Username / 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy
by hatelife / 06/14/2011 at 2:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by ugh / 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a…