About tacohead411 : Squidward is done with your shit.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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tacohead411's favorite FMLs
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
by WasteOMoney / 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by beablue18 / 07/03/2011 at 8:27pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Miscellaneous
by drunkinriot / 07/03/2011 at 7:04pm / United States / Health
by siannacasey / 07/03/2011 at 4:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2011 at 12:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
by dee / 07/03/2011 at 1:36am / United States / Kids
Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML
by jreed509 / 07/03/2011 at 1:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by anonymous / 07/03/2011 at 12:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML
by blahdyblahblah33 / 07/02/2011 at 8:22pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health
by thanksfyi / 07/02/2011 at 5:51pm / Norway / Love
Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML
by Hum / 07/02/2011 at 5:50pm / Switzerland (Ticino) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
by Cowgirl_Up37 / 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
by camzzz / 07/02/2011 at 4:27am / United States (Washington) / Health
- Today, I spent 5 hours organizing my porn collection on my computer. What the hell am I doing with… Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him.… Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But…
- Today, I landed an interview with my schools work study program. After waiting an hour after it was… Today, I was woken up at 1am with a migraine, by my husband who drunkenly called to ask if I'd like… Today, I work as a Cashier at McDonald's and a customer wanted a meal costing way over £5. He then…