About tacohead411 : Squidward is done with your shit.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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tacohead411's favorite FMLs
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
by grossesfesses / 05/15/2013 at 2:58am / France (Picardie) / Miscellaneous
by for the love of god / 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML
by forever alone / 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom / Love
by lamsolonely / 05/12/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML
by wrongguy / 05/11/2013 at 7:04pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm / Switzerland (Sankt Gallen) / Love
by 19kwhatever / 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Carrie / 05/08/2013 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2013 at 11:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
by beyondembarrassed / 05/05/2013 at 1:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML
by dancer, not a hooker... / 05/05/2013 at 1:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Fatty Fatty Fatso / 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…